It's Official...

There was a time when my mind was spinning with all of the decisions I had to make about life after Jim went to Heaven.  (See here or  here if you've forgotten or you're new.  But not if you don't feel like crying a little.)  Well, it seemed that the Lord was telling me to just sit still and WAIT.  Things would come around as they were supposed to eventually.

Well, it's time for an update.  Let's start here...



In March, my Michigan friends came over and helped me pack up the basics that Marley and I would need for our move into an apartment in Indiana.

Then in April, John, Brad, and Danny came up

and loaded it all (in a few hours flat) into the back of





this ginormous U-Haul.





Next, they loaded up Jim's Jeep
and hooked it up to the U-Haul.


And so our life back in Indiana began.  My sister Beth and her husband Doug were on hand to help Danny and I unload.  Tyler and Becca helped too.  I was astounded at Tyler's strength~ Danny called him Little Arnold~ and blessed by Becca's servant's heart as they pitched in beside their parents, Danny, and me and helped to carry all that stuff in.  Then Jim and my friends showed up later and helped to unpack each and every box.  The men put together the beds and tables, and the women put away towels, unpacked clothes, and even made our beds.  In one single day, all of these people helped to make a very stressful, sad, and daunting task just happen. 

During the summer of 2011, Marley and I spent a lot of time together.  There were some really rough times as I tightened back up on the discipline that I had let slide.  I finally began to be able to sleep more than a few hours at a time.  We spent time with family and friends, and began attending the church where I had spent my growing-up years.  We made some visits back to Michigan to see the friends we love so dearly up there too.  Then, just a few weeks ago my precious Kindergarten coworkers spent the better part of two days emptying, sorting, and packing EVERY SINGLE ITEM  that was left in our Michigan house. 

Because some decisions have been made.

Every time we went back to our Michigan house, it felt like the wounds of the past year were being ripped open for Marley and me again.  Instead of the happy memories that were made in that house, all I could see were scenes of the horror and pain that were Jim's last few months.  My anxiety level would go up and my depression would deepen, and I was not the best mom that I need to be for my daughter.  Marley would suffer new bouts of insomnia and cry for her Daddy.  Well, this is NOT the way I choose for her and I to remember a wonderful man and a fantastic life.  Being in that house is like walking with ghosts.  Jim is not a ghost.  He was a living, loving man who made Marley and I so happy.  So I will do what is best for both of us and we will fill our new home with daily conversations and memories about Daddy and surround ourselves with photos and videos of the things that were GOOD about life with him.  Since I have not as of yet been able to sell or rent out the Michigan house, we are confined to renting and praying for God to bring along the perfect person or family to live in our house and make it a happy home again.

Marley has started preschool and is loving it.  Though she is still having trouble sleeping at night, her angry outbursts have dimished dramatically and I'm seeing the creative, spunky, beautiful three year old that she was meant to be.  Of course there are times when her heart is sad too, like the last time we were in Michigan.  We were driving and I heard from the back seat of the truck, "Mama, I really miss Daddy.  I just want to talk to him."  Rip my heart out.  The only response I could come up with was, "So do I honey, so do I." 

I have *gulp* resigned from my teaching job.  During Jim's illness, we learned that really bad nurses can make scary situations even scarier.  And we learned that really good nurses have the gift of being able to walk you through the uncertainty with grace, education, and empathy.  I've been feeling my heart being pulled into the direction of becoming a nurse for a few years now.  So at the end of August, I will begin taking coursework at Ivy Tech to become a RN.  Talk about a leap of faith.  But one thing I have learned in the past is that some of the greatest rewards in life come from taking the biggest risks.

So, that's where we stand.  It's official.  We have moved back to Indiana and we are truly starting over again.  Who knows where life will lead us next.  I hope that the road is less bumpy than it has been the past few years.  But one thing I know for certain is this...

God is good, all the time.

 Even when life doesn't make sense.  Even when my heart and mind sometimes feel numb.  Even in my times of greatest sorrow.  Definately in my times of joy and happiness. 

God is good, all the time.
Welcome along for the ride!