Outside of school, I find myself mostly writing to preserve memories or to get something off my chest. A few months ago I embarked on the adventure of blogging, and I have to admit, it’s freeing to me. My husband passed away from cancer earlier this year, and I have a three year old daughter. She and I moved from the place we’ve known as home (Michigan) to be closer to family and so are essentially starting over. One of the reasons I put my writings online is to keep friends from Michigan and college up to date on what’s going on in our lives down here. But the primary reason I blog (write) is to share photos and memories of our lives with my husband so that someday when Marley is older she will be able to read it and it will hopefully jog some memories for her. She does remember her Daddy, sometimes cries for him at bedtime, but I want to be sure that those memories never fade to the point of being forgotten.Blogging is also a form of therapy for me. There are so many decisions and situations that I am going through as a newly widowed woman at the relatively young age of thirty-five. I have a good support system, but at the end of the day, it’s just me and the thoughts running around in my head that are left for me to deal with. Some of them are happy, some are sad, and some are downright painful. For me, writing has always been helpful in sorting through the emotions and decisions that fill my thoughts when the day is done and I’m left alone in the quiet. I’ve found that if I take the time to write them out, there is often the unexpected benefit of helping me get a handle on the things that bother me and look more objectively at things that might require a decision or action on my part. Once it’s down on paper or online, then I feel like I can move on to the next thing that’s roiling around in my head.
Another reason that I write is to hopefully help others. I know that while the loss of my husband is traumatic to me and my daughter, it’s not that unique to the world in general. People lose spouses to cancer all the time. But when you’re the one walking through it, it is devastating. I hope that someone who is hurting like I am hurting will someday stumble across my blog and that the things that I have written will help them in some way. I never truly appreciated the pain and utter loneliness that comes with this kind of a loss. Now my heart is filled with empathy for those who have walked this path before me, as well as those who will find themselves on it after me. Hopefully the happy and sad thoughts that have poured out of my head and heart and through my fingers onto the keyboard will help another person the way they’ve helped me.